i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
