i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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