my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
