take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
