sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
