I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
