So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
