just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
