Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
