You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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