I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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