i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
