You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
