So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
