highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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