I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
