So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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