OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
