I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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