i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
