I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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