the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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