My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
