if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
