Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
