I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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