Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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