I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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