His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize