i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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