He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
