I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
