i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
