I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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