True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
