We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
