she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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