My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
