he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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