VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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