An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
