Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize