Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
