After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize