My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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