Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
