My friends, they love my intelligence
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
