I cockslap morals
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
