I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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