We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
