I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
