Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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