I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
