you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
