just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
