I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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