yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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