i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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