Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
