At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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