we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
