we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
