it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
