everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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