my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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