Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
