hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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