This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
