I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize